I grew up in two towns with peers who were,as far as I know,all heterosexual. There was also a huge lack in books written by authors who were LGBT and even less books available to me that featured a LGBT main character. Because of this I spent my teen years,all of my twenties,and three years of my thirties believing I was straight despite finding certain females attractive. I was also attracted to a friend of mine who happened to be gay. At the time I didn't know what that meant but it made me feel like the freak everyone I went to high school with said I was.
Even after kissing another woman in my late twenties I still was stuck in the mindset that I was straight. It wasn't until I was 33 that I came out. The thing that made me realize that I'm not straight was reading about the Spectrum. At first I believed I was bisexual but in the back of my mind,that didn't seem right. When I read about pansexuality I knew that was what I identified as. It was as if a long missing piece of myself had fallen into place.
For the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't a freak and I wasn't alone because using social media like Twitter for instance opened my eyes to all sorts of things that I never had heard of. I won't lie and say that I wasn't incredibly nervous and a bit scared of coming out because I didn't know how my family would react to the news. All of my immediate family as well as my aunts,uncles,and cousins are all straight so again I felt like I wasn't normal because I wasn't straight like them. In the end,I really had nothing to worry about because my family was accepting of my announcement.
However,I know that my situation isn't the norm here. More people who come out to their family and friends are disowned and they lose everything in the blink of an eye. So,if you're reading this and you haven't come out yet there is no rush. Only you will know when the time is right and the people in your life who truly love and accept you for who you are won't abandon you when you need them the most. You are loved,you matter,and just know that you are not alone.